Surviving a long distance relationship

Goal or Problem

Long distance relationships are hard and most people don't know what to do. I just wanted to share my personal experience and help others handle their relationships in a better way.

Idea

Long Distance Relationships are tough and let's face it, not every relationship can handle the long distance scenario. No matter how much you love someone, there are times when you need someone to be there for you and if your partner isn't there at the right time, you end up asking yourself all kinds of questions. But this doesn't mean that you can never make a long distance relationship work. Now you may have gotten into this situation because one of you had to move away due to work, family etc or you could have just gotten involved with someone who lives away. In either case, there are certain set of rules that you need to follow.

I and my partner have been in a long distance relationship for quite some time now and here are some of the key things that we understood with time:

1. First of all, it has to be a mutual decision. It cannot be my job or your family because such situations never work well. So if you are in a long distance relationship, you and your partner must not only be clear on the reason but also agree on the reason. If that is not the case, chances are that one of you is just going to end up blaming the other person for the hard time he/she is facing.
2. One of the most important aspects of a long distance relationship is the time line. There has to be a time line. No one can have a long distance relationship forever. The time line has to be realistic and again it has to be agreed upon by both partners. When me and my fiancee, decided we need to make it work from long distance, we didn't initially plan or decide any time lines. A few months later, we ended up hating the whole situation and the biggest frustration was not even knowing when it was going to end. That is when we decided that we need to agree on and finalize the time that we are going to spend apart. In my opinion, the maximum time line is one year. In case you are planning a longer time apart, you must be very clear about the reasons behind it.
3. A long distance relationship is just not another relationship; it requires a much more extensive commitment level. So think about the commitment you feel with the person before getting into such a relationship. If you were barely making it when your partner was in town, it's never going to be easier with him or her gone.
4. You must have heard this a million times that trust is the key to any relationship. But in a long distance relationship, it's not only the key it's the foundation. If you can't trust your partner, chances are that either one of you is going to end up breaking it off.
5. No matter what kind of relationship it is, everyone always needs some space. Even in a usual relationship, one can never bear anyone breathing down his or her neck. But long distance relationship demands extra space. Because you both are not together doesn't mean you both should stop living. You both will still need friends and company and jobs. If you are not living a healthy life, it will only just increase your frustration and drive you apart. So my advice is, always give each other space and try to still have a life without each other. That may or may not be tough, but it's important.
6. Stay connected. No matter how far you are, there are always ways to stay connected (skype, call, google talk etc). If you are not talking to each other regularly, you are going to end up not knowing anything about your partner's life and that special connection you feel for each other will start to fade away. I suggest choose some time that is feasible for both of you and then spend it just staying connected to each others lives. In my opinion, the ideal accuracy should be daily but if that is not possible, try to still connect with each other as many times a week as possible.
7. Be creative in sex. I can't put it in a better way. Now that the two of you are not together, you are going to have to invent ways to keep each other satisfied. Be it video chat or phone sex, but both of you will have to get accustomed to new and less appealing ways of sex.I suggest some activity in this regard at least twice a week.
8. Visit each other periodically. Yes, that's right. No one can live without physical contact forever, be it sex, hug or whatever. So if it's possible, you need to visit each other periodically and then make the best out of your time with each other. You should try to see each other at least once in every three months. In cases where you are too far away to visit each other periodically, you both will need even a stronger commitment than I mentioned above or even more space than I mentioned above. You will either need to control your sexual instincts or just decide on non-exclusiveness.
9. Don't let yourself be emotionally independent. What many people in long distance relationships do, is to cope with it by trying to change their feelings or get themselves emotionally independent. The result is that you feel much better and miss your partner less. The issue is that you are not emotionally dependent on your partner anymore and thus not as much attached as you may need to make your relationship survive. Missing each other or being depressed without your partner is only natural and you should deal with it by staying in touch with your partner and by making the best of the time that you got. You can spend more time with your friends or family, take up some time to sketch the portrait you always wanted etc.
10. Communication is again important in any relationship but it's a fundamental stone in a long distance relationship. It means that you need to be responsible enough to share everything with your partner. I discussed giving each other space above but that does not mean that you can date other people and not tell your partner. Whatever is your situation, sexually or emotionally, you need to clearly communicate it to your partner. So if you are friends with some new people or having attraction towards someone, you need to be able to share it with your partner. If there are fragments of your life that you would rather not share, chances are that you will end up cheating on your partner.
11. Remember that its a relationship. Yes, a long distance relationship doesn't mean that you can just move ahead with your life and see your partner after some time gap. It's still a relationship and supposing that you both are still emotionally dependent, you'll need to be there for your partner in times of need.

I believe any people who really like each other and follow the above rules can make a long distance relationship work.

Limitations and Side Effects

Every relationship is unique and you and your partner may have opposing set of rules that work for you. I am just trying to share here, what most people can make use of in their lives.